In Memoriam

Today is Memorial Day. A very important day of rememberance and gratitude for persons most of us don't even know. I think those who died in military operations and now serving would appreciate this small gesture. I know I do.
Being a military veteran, the day becomes more special as I get older. Things seem to happen that way. I had a very quiet career in the Navy and was, to my knowledge, never in harm's way. Certainly not like the military personnel of today. I wish them safety and God's grace.
However, this holiday weekend carries a much deeper meaning and a more profound rememberance for me. This is the weekend my brother took his own life 17 years ago.

Chris was a magnetic personality, a person whom other people sought out for company, for fun and laughs. He was a wonderful father to his daughter - lessons he learned from his own father, lessons of compassion, patience, and love. He looked at the best people had to offer and chose many times, to allow the mis-givings of others to pass by as not that important. He had a smile which could light up a room. A sense of wonderment at places yet unseen, a love of Elvis bigger than any fan could imagne, were all parts of his joy.
The demons which took root in his soul were never to be shaken off, never to be understood, or arrested. They stayed until they got all of him. His death was at a time when conditions like his were less talked about, and considered by many to be more of a personal deficit in character, or a weakness. This is not true. He was neither weak, nor had a deficit in his character. The pain he felt was far too great of any of us to begin to imagne-a soul too tortured to continue an earthly journey. His Mother and Father were there to love him through it all. His brothers offered encouragement and support in efforts attempted. Never was he left to fight on his own but it was not enough. His heartbreaking decision is vastly too complex for any of us to really understand.
Chris is missed by so many of us. It has been a long time since that weekend, and the emotions which come with this type of demise are softer now - less jagged and maybe, just maybe, a bit more understood.
There are no hard feelings left - just not worth it to harbor such.
Chris was loved then, and he is loved now.
Godspeed, little brother.